I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
