Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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