3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
