I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
