He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
