Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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