Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
