How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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