she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize