I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
