cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
