your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize