God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
