the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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