she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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