Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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