i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
