i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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