just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize