Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
