to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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