I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
