there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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