Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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