He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
