Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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