I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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