I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
