she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
