I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
