her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
