No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize