I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
