I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
