be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
