i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
