i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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