The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
