i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
