Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
