I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
