Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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