How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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