i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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