I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
