last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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