U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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