We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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