Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
