I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
