Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize