32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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