My liver just broke up with me...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
