Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
