Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
