I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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