i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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