I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
