Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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