My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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