I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
