Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
